Friday, January 15, 2010
The 2 scariest words in the English language I find are “unholy still”. The full quote is “let him who is unholy be unholy still.” These words are uttered by our Savior at world’s end. The text reveals that evil has a time limit. It is on a schedule for termination, and those who embrace it will go down with it. Considering that at this moment in time I am “unholy”, then am I doomed to be “unholy still”? And more to the point, when will the day arrive that I can join the group who will remain “holy” through these last events?
Christians fear the time of the end for their physical safety. They worry about persecution. Perhaps those fears are more legitimate now that even our country seems to have embraced torture as an acceptable form of questioning. But forgetting the merely mundane issues that surround our physical well-being, what of our spiritual condition at the end of all things? The thought of being categorized as ‘holy’ seems foreign to my thinking. I can see myself as forgiven. I can see myself as saved by grace; but sinless? Could I stand before the throne of God without an intercessor?
In the Old Testament Sanctuary model, the priest acted as the intercessor for the children of Israel. He went before the Ark of God to plead for forgiveness for the sins of the people. In the Heavenly Sanctuary, Christ is our High Priest and fulfills this role. He pleads before the throne of God for His people, those who have embraced Him and accepted love over evil. But there will come a time, when Christ leaves off His work of acting as our defense attorney. He will come back to claim us. At this time, He declares those telling words … “let he who is holy, be holy still and let he who is unholy be unholy still.” There is finality in those words. There is an absolute in those words.
He did not say let he who is forgiven, remain forgiven. The word was “holy”. Holy implies that actions and words are free of all evil, of all the influences of sin. Motives, thoughts, and actions in harmony with the government of Heaven – this is what it means to be holy. Our world is the exact opposite of Heaven. And in general we have lived lives reflecting the world around us. The transforming power of God appears to be on a schedule for us. Perhaps this is why so few are thought to “live’ through the end days. Many will be ‘put to sleep’ to await the coming King. This is considered a kindness by God, not a punishment. There will come a time when to live is considerably harder than to sleep in death.
But fear of death pales in comparison to fear of permanent imperfection. To have found yourself to be a goat, not a sheep – to be lost, not saved – to be unholy, not holy – and to live through the entire experience. The thought is terrifying. This is the time of Jacob’s trouble. Jacob’s great lament on his return to see his brother Esau was not just his fear of dying. It was a deeper fear that he had not really changed, that he was simply older, not different. Jacob fled from Esau a petty selfish thief.
Was he returning a genuinely different man in the core of his soul, or was he simply older? He wrestled Christ thinking it his brother throughout the night; the blessing he craved at daylight was more a confirmation that he was really different than anything else. Jacob was not asking for money, he had that. He was not asking for women, kids, or love – he had all of that. He was not even really asking for God’s favor, he had that. He just wanted to know, he was not the same man he used to be. And God heard him, and spared him, and blessed him – confirming the change.
Our time is coming if it is not already here. We face world’s end where evil rules, and too often has ruled within us. Are we really different? Have we allowed God to really change us? Or are we simply acting a good game. There are only 2 choices, only 2 conditions, only 2 results. There is no multiple choice. There is no do-over. There is no ‘third’ chance. It comes down to “holy” or “unholy” – still.
To be sealed in the kingdom of God is a goal of no small achievement. To be one of the 144,000 special souls who witness the end of days. It matters not whether this number is literal or figurative. It matters not how the last 10 plagues fall upon the earth. It matters not how many die, or even if we are among them. But to be uncertain is to live in horror. To find yourself “unholy”, does not prevent persecution, of body or of mind. The ultimate test of faith comes upon us. Is the salvation or our God real? Is His transforming power in our character real? Has it worked? Are we holy or simply deluding ourselves? This is the last great trial we face. To put our money where our mouth is.
It is not our God we doubt, but our history. We know so well the extent of evil that has lived within each of us. Are we finally free of it? How can one so evil as I be truly changed. Most times in life when sin is not being committed, it is being planned. Lack of opportunity to commit sin is not the same as being free from it. Will we find ourselves not committing sin by mere denial of circumstance?
This agony was experienced once before in our world in Gethsemane. Would His sacrifice be enough? The weight of sin was upon His soldiers. One who never knew sin, now had to bare its entire weight. How disgusting the burden of evil. How overwhelming the extent of it. Could He be reconciled to His Father after having borne its burden? Perhaps the stain of sin would prevent Him from ever being in the presence of His Father again – eternal separation – effectively hell. This agony nearly overwhelmed Christ. We are destined to share this experience.
Knowing how evil we have been, can we ever come to know ourselves in the context of the absence of sin? Forgiven is something we understand, but reformed? And more to the point, can we even conceive of ourselves as “holy”. The alternative is even more fearful. I can imagine a perfect God. I can imagine Love big enough to come to die for me and save me. But can I imagine me different than my past?
We do not need the physical presence of the antichrist in our world to begin to experience the time of Jacob’s Trouble. We know what is possible today. We know what could be done in us, if we allowed. Has time already passed us by? Are we in the sorting phase, or past it? The thing I fear most in this world is me. I fear my selfishness. I fear my judgment. I fear my arrogance, in thinking I might trust my own wisdom, rather than follow His word. In so doing am I preventing Him from truly changing me? It drives me back to my knees. I plead with God to kill the ‘self’ that fights to reign in me. All of this only points me back to the desperate need of a savior. Save me. Change me. Find a way to force me into the “holy” group. Ignore my refusals. Over-ride my stubbornness. Undo my stupidity. Push me, Pull me. Drag me kicking and screaming. Just do not let me away from Your side. Hold me fast Oh Lord, for without my savior, I am dead already…
Posted by Kristian Nelson at 12:23 AM
This past week our nation was visited by the new Pope. In a world of 24 hours news networks based on a profit-centered mentality, this was “front-page-news.” I do agree that the Pope is a world-renowned spiritual leader and his visitation to our country is noteworthy. But I wonder why visits by the Dali Lama, or various Jewish Rabbi’s, and Muslim Clerics are not given equal news attention as the Pope. Hindu’s seem to get no press at all, Buddhists barely a mention in general, and Scientologists only when a dose of humor is required. In short, our news media seems biased towards Christian religious figures to the exclusion of most others. Is this what God would want?
After all Christians believe they serve the only TRUE God. In fact you could argue this entire blog series is definitely slanted towards the validation of Jewish and then Christian theology, with a smattering of understanding towards Muslims. So why not be happy when CNN chooses to make Papal coverage it’s nearly one and only story of the week. Isn’t it good for a representative of our true God to get a little attention? Doesn’t it serve to remind the world that religion still matters? And why on earth would I title this blog entry “wondering after the beast?”
The beast mentioned in Revelation 13:3 that I make reference to is a Biblical symbol for the evil that stands against God – in both his precepts, goals, and values. Satan of course is the anti-God, meaning that everything that Satan embraces stands in opposite contrast to what God embraces. Where God grants freedom of choice, Satan exerts total control. Where God invites debate and reason, Satan demands unwavering and unquestioning allegiance. Where God offers unconditional love, Satan demands unconditional addictive slavery. And finally, where God asks for faith and trust, Satan offers control and power. So many in our world embrace Satan’s way. Indeed, evil has a tremendous marketing machine that has warped the minds of millions into believing they are in control of their lives, can earn their own destinies, and do not need to serve anyone other than self. This is the nature of the beast described in Revelations.
Obviously, were Satan to visit our capital in the flesh, Christians would immediately decry his welcome. We would be appalled that our governmental leaders would openly accept and listen to words coming directly from the evil one. We picture Satan as red-skinned, dual horns from his head, 6-6-6 tattooed on his forehead, with a spiked tail and a pitchfork. This image is one we are comfortable with. But to picture him as a smooth talking Brad-Pitt look alike with words that offer hope and peace – seems counter to our imagery therefore not Satan. But what if it is? What if Satan is responsible for the red-skinned, pitch-forked image we imagine in the first place. What if he actually does look more like Robert Redford, with a voice like Andrea Boccelli, and with the speaking ability of Ronald Reagan (the great communicator). Dodging our preconceived ideas of his appearance we would undoubtedly give his words consideration. We might actually listen to his arguments. Lest you believe him ineffective, he was able to dissuade 1/3 of all the angels in Heaven to follow his ideas. This is not the mark of an idiot.
Could it be that the ‘Beast’ is already among us? Some have proffered the idea that G.W. might be the anti-christ. This may be humorous, but is unfair and untrue. G.W. is nothing more than flawed Christian, just like me, or just like you. His flaws may yield more consequences to us all, but it does not put him in league with absolute evil. But does one have to be entirely evil, to do the work of the evil-one? In short, no. When someone is given attention, the words they speak have consequence. If they stand and say something counter the principles of God, they speak on behalf of evil, and their tongue becomes the tool of the Beast. The papal system preaches the infallibility of the Pope, the idea that man can be saved by penance (his own actions), and the idea that man’s edicts are more important than the edicts of God. The papal system has re-written the original 10 commandments, and plainly admits to changing the day of worship God ordained from the seventh to the first day of the week. This entire series of arguments is not Biblically centered. It is works centered. It is based on the teachings of men. And it stands in stark contrast to the teachings found in the Bible. This set of beliefs is not just a disagreement among Christians over doctrine, it is a fundamental assault on the character of God himself.
Yet the Pope is followed by the press, and his fans, as would one of the great rock-stars of our era. His words are listened to for spiritual guidance even though the foundation of his belief system is essentially the same as every other false religion that has ever existed on this earth – that man can work enough to save himself – in short, man does not truly need God for Salvation, he can rely on his own efforts, or will fail by them. This does not make the Pope the antichrist either. That title would be too restrictive if ONLY applied to the Pope. Does not Buddhism and Hinduism proffer the same idea (man can achieve inner peace through the strength of his own determination). Does not Muslim religion teach that only strict adherence to the Quran will enable one to enter Paradise? - Or the Jewish faith essentially teach that ONLY by following the Torah can one be saved. All of these religions have beautiful aspects of truth found in them. And all of these religions have a singular fundamental flaw – that man can somehow save himself. True Christianity embraces man’s inability to save himself, and therefore the need of a savior. This is the fundamental distinction between the true God, and all of those who would proclaim themselves to be god.
Revelation 13:3 has sometimes been interpreted that after the Pope’s beheading by Napoleon, the Catholic Church would again rise in prominence until the entire world wondered after the beast yet again. This interpretation does not seem to be wide enough to incorporate the many representatives the Beast employs today. There are many competing ideas that regularly assault the fundamentals of Christianity. Those that assert your independence is your most closely guarded asset, teach you a principle opposite to the government of God. You are not independent in that control of your life is not up to you, nor can it ever be. Your life and fate will be determined outside of yourself. You have only to choose which power will have influence over it (good or evil). No choice for God is a default choice for Satan. It is not your independence that should be cherished, but your humble acceptance of your need of God that should be developed. Your recognition of your condition, not your denial of it.
When the Dali Lama says that inner peace is possible he is not lying. He is simply not telling you where the actual source of inner peace can be found. It is not in meditation that peace is achieved; it is in unselfish service to others. The principles of the government of God are the values to be cherished. Focus on self is to be avoided, focus on service to others, embraced. When those religious leaders speak contrary the guidelines of God’s plan, they become a mouth-piece of the Beast. When governmental leaders seek to impose their moral authority and demand an allegiance to their own version of ‘morality’ they become a mouth-piece of the Beast. When Christians stand and condemn others for their deeds or words or beliefs that run contrary to their own – they become agents of intolerance, and therefore the mouth-piece of the Beast. It would be impossible to confine the image of the Beast to just the Pope, or the Dali Lama, or G.W. – his image is everywhere. It has permeated this world to such a point it is almost impossible to escape.
There is beauty that can be found in any religion on the earth. Not everything someone else espouses to be true is inherently evil. The Pope himself is not the devil, nor is any Catholic, nor is any Muslim, Jew, Hindu, or Buddhist. Protestant Christians are not immune from spreading a doctrine of self-reliance and intolerance. We are ALL imperfect. It is not the messenger that is the problem, but the message itself. Judging is no more up to man, than Salvation is to be earned by his own hand. People are not condemned by their mistaken beliefs; they are condemned through a constant rejection of the love God offers. To single out any particular religion, or person, and call them the antichrist, or claim they have embraced the mark-of-the-beast is to miss the entire point. The Beast’s message is to be countered with the truth, no matter who the messenger. The principles of Heaven should be espoused and placed in stark contrast with the principles of the evil one, no matter who the messenger is, or the where the forum for his delivery. The messenger should not ever be condemned, only the words that fall in contrast to the values of God’s character. There is hope for all of us, even Saul was made into Paul through the grace of God.
Being a mouthpiece for the Beast may not be full-time job. But it certainly appears that the following after his message has become a full time obsession. The media seems bent on giving it voice. It is no wonder that the prophesy of Revelation has been fulfilled in our lifetime. Our world seems to be inclined to embrace self rather than service. I hope the truth can be found amidst all the noise and distractions and I hope we are humble enough to embrace it …
Posted by Kristian Nelson at 12:22 AM
The problem with this thinking is that it buys into the premise that this horrific act was singular in nature. Someone snaps, and let the chaos commence. But that is seldom true isn’t it? Time elapses; quite a bit of it usually between the source stressing factor, and the time of the carefully planned “revenge”. You can hardly call something a rampage which implies spur-of-the-moment, that takes days or weeks to prepare for. Think of it, entire days go by, with the same nut bag meticulously plotting the how’s, where’s, and when’s for his little attention grabbing hissy-fit. People, most of which the killer may not even really know, will die all in the effort of what? – soothing your pain? Easing your suffering? Where does the bloodshed in these events accomplish anything of real value?
And why does the news media fan the flames of these tragedies so insuring there will be future such events? If these killings got a 2 minute summary coverage once on the primetime news spots they would all end. I don’t say this because people will become less nutty. I say it because people would realize that even their most extreme horrific antics do not warrant the attention they seek. If you handled news stories in this way, and combine your approach with giving extensive coverage to people who serve others – I dare say the model of society might just turn over on its head. Positive reinforcement without creating super-villains that hog ALL the news coverage for days on end might just put a stopper in the process. To say nothing of allowing the victim’s families, friends, and communities to grieve without a barrage of reminders of just how horrible the event was – replaying footage over and over again.
But make no mistake the motives behind every single killing of this nature is ultimately the same – self interest. Killers may not seek financial rewards, obviously they realize social inclusion after this event is impossible, but in the blood thirsty act they believe they can satisfy their selfish need for revenge (they call it “justice”). You see in the minds of the killers, they believe it is they who have been wronged. The actions they take are nothing more than what is required in their minds to right the wrongs they have incurred. They think of it as “getting even”; though we outsiders look at it as shear madness.
And truth be told, the killers have often been wronged. The Columbine killers were social outcasts. No one was seeking them out for friendship, and in fact were likely making their day-to-day lives less easy than more easy. Everyone thought it to be OK to simply ignore the plight of others unless it directly impacts you. Leave the nut bags alone and maybe they won’t bother you. But isolation is hardly the solution for social awkwardness. And had these 2 students been surrounded by an atmosphere of true Christian love and acceptance they might have had alternative ideas to hate that ends up taking lives. We are quick to blame them for the deeds they did commit, but seldom look beyond them to see if we might have been instrumental in guiding them away from their heinous crimes.
What killers do, represents the epitome of self-indulgence. They focus on thoughts of pure self-gratification through means most of us call insane, and most importantly to the exclusion of how ANYONE else will feel about what they have done. They are out for themselves, no one else. In Ft. Hood this week the accused killer appears to have been an extreme Muslim who yelled God is Great in Arabic prior to shooting. Indeed God is great, what has that to do with the level of selfishness you are about to employ? Anger with an idea, vented in bullets to those who have done you no harm, what could this be other than pure self-indulgence. And to call God’s name into it? Blasphemy.
The Muslims believe they serve the God of Abraham. If this is so, then they must realize how God felt about Cain killing his brother Abel. Even the life of Abraham itself is one of patience faith and long suffering. Abraham did not achieve God’s promise of the Promised-Land it two minutes. It took time. It took effort. And God was faithful, not by Abraham simply killing anyone and everyone who did not like what he was doing. By a Muslim’s own belief system the shedding of innocent blood is strictly forbidden. And to do it in God’s name defines Blasphemy even in their own belief system.
No, religion is not to blame for these heinous acts, it is pure self-indulgence. And ironically religious people somehow believe that a certain amount of self-indulgence is OK in our lives. It is as if we could accept a certain amount of plutonium in our food and ignore the effects of its poisonous nature. We accept self-indulgence if we can balance it with temperance (another failed idea). But like eating plutonium will surely give us cancer, accepting self indulgence will certainly lead us to evil. We may not climb high-rises and begin opening up fire on former co-workers, but we may flirt with the idea of having an illicit affair, or stealing from an employer, or simply compromising our values for expediency.
Christians should know they are not to have the role of “judge” in the courtroom of the Lord. That role only God Himself can handle. Defending attorney belongs to Jesus, the jury or mere courtroom attendees may be the unfallen angels, Satan is our accuser, and of course we are the defendants. And we are ALL guilty as charged. None of us are clean or stand perfect against the truth of Satan’s list of evil we have embraced in our lives. However our attorney steps forward and accepts the sentence for our crimes. We must allow Him to do so, or suffer the fate we deserve. Nowhere in the entire scenario do humans ever play the role of sanctioned “executioner”. Christians who commit heinous acts of killing are merely committing evil, not involved in anything remotely related to righteousness. It is not our role to kill by intent.
Arguments can be made about killing in different circumstances like in self-defense, to save others, in times of war, etc.. You can debate the merits of lack of them under these conditions, but nut bag killers are deserving of no such debate. They simply act in a mode of pure self-interest, which they have generally nourished for a while before committing their crimes. In order for the moment to be truly unplanned, it would require being already armed for a different legitimate purpose, encountering a situation that is beyond the mental capacity of the killer to accept, then taking action without thinking about anyone’s safety or wellbeing including their own. If they have to go home to get the weapon, it is premeditated. If they have time to cool down and do not do so, it is premeditated. If they can act and still be cognizant enough to preserve their own safety. It is premeditated. Just like all the sin in our lives today – it is premeditated.
Our God looks on in horror and GREAT sadness when these events occur. His heart breaks when people use His name or question if it was His will that these things happened at all. But our God sees beyond the existence of this world, and takes account of our lives beyond the scope that we can see. Even when our time in this existence is over, perhaps ended by the free-will choice of another nut bag, our entire existence is not over with these acts of evil. Having accepted the gift He offers, we are sure to resume our existence in a world made new, and devoid of all evil, of every pain, and most of all – absent self completely. Service will be our mantra, and love our method of existence. Praise God our hope is not confined or controlled by the nut bags we are surrounded by …
Early indications, in the war with evil, are absolute predictors of outcome, unless divine intervention saves the day. Long before the act of evil is committed - are the thoughts, motives, and selfish interest that spark, take hold, and begin their practice of building the chains that hold us in bondage. We craft each link one after the other, stepping deeper into darkness, and farther away from light; going just a step or two further than the last time down this road, just to see what it looks like. And soon, we are so far down the darkened highway, we have no idea where we are, how we got here, and are hopeless to find our way back home. But it all starts with the little things. It begins with decisions and choices so small they seem meaningless, but are in fact significant. It does not look like much of a chain of bondage when only seeing the first few links.
You may ask, “what does it matter what I wear?” On the surface, it doesn’t. But underneath what we wear is an indicator of how we feel, and more to the point, an indicator of what we are planning to do. You don’t go in a bikini to church (usually ), and you don’t wear a tuxedo when working on your car for example. We send ourselves clues and reinforce our own plans and perceptions by the things we wear. Our Maker knew this, He knew that with the entrance of evil into our world would come the perversions that darken our natures. No longer could we be both naked and innocent, so covering ourselves became required. How we cover ourselves these days with as many choices. fabrics, styles, and societal norms speaks more about us and our choices than ever before.
The term “dress for success” is often used to help motivate people to wear the clothing of those they aspire to become. It is designed to give us a mental cue that we look the part, now we need to become the part. But the converse of this is also true. We “dress” for infidelity both to our spouse and to our God. We leave off looking for God’s armor and instead cling to robes that we are too comfortable in. Robes of convenience and easy access. Robes of familiarity. And ultimately, robes of failure, that are sure to deliver us to the evil we plan to commit.
Submitting is just not so easy a task. It seems easy enough. It sounds easy enough. I mean how hard is it to simply “give in”? The hard part comes with the realization that giving in to God will mean a change in our behavior. There is not a question of “IF” God is going to change us. He does. Every time, without fail. That surety however sparks a different thought process in the tempting cycle – do we really want a change today? This is the question the evil one designs to get us to begin reassembling the chains of bondage he wishes us to wear. Just ignore the victories that God has brought, and take “a day off”. Its no big deal right? Just one day off? You can go back to being a prude tomorrow if it means that much to you.
But one day off, is not at all what evil intends. Once the initial barrier has been broken down, a second day is at least half has hard to accept. Day three requires only a passing thought and by day four the habit is back on track. Relapse as a part of the addiction cycle is an unfortunate reality in our world. Both in chemical addiction, and in the war to restrain self will. But the response to relapse must be the same in both to keep the damage to a minimum. One day off the wagon is one day too many. Get right back on that mythical wagon, or in spiritual terms, get right back on your knees and turn it over to God immediately. We already know God does the work. He has proven that over and over. There is no question about whether God will give us a victory, only if we will accept it.
Self deception can be a monster. After enough days of sobriety, an addict can begin to think they are “past it”. In spiritual terms, we can begin to believe that God has changed the desires of our hearts away from evil things since we have not committed them for some long length of time. The problem with this thinking, is that it leads us away from the idea of daily dependence and submission. The minute you think you do not have a problem, you come to believe you do not need any help with it. Can’t fix what is not broken right? This thinking leaves you all alone to face the evil one again. And here we go again with the old – take a day off of your sobriety wagon and have some fun argument. Before you know it, you have proof that you are indeed NOT “past it”. Alcoholics must identify themselves this way as long as they live. It is a recognition of their condition. Sinners are NO different.
And speaking of self deception; the alcoholics are the lucky ones. The lady who refers to herself as a crack whore is far better off than the Christian who does not see his own deficiencies. The chemically addicted can get help. For HELP is what they need. They cannot fix it themselves, but help can get them fixed. Christians are no different. Except the ones in denial. Christians who do not accept that the sin in their lives is every bit as strong as any chemical addiction are fooling themselves big time. And by denying their condition, they avoid treating it, they avoid changing it, and they wallow in the pain they cause themselves. This is the kind of self deception that can lead a Christian to a terminal condition – not wanting change, forgiveness, or a better life.
If you look at your character and see all the ugly, count yourself blessed. Not blessed because you ARE ugly in your soul, but because you CAN see it. The truth is we are ALL ugly in our souls. We hide it, cover it up from each other, pretend it does not exist. But it does. It is rampant and out of control in most folks. The difference between the average “man on the street” and “Saddam Hussein” is opportunity. Most people have not ever experienced control without consequences so they do not know how they would react in that situation. But take a closer look at all the little things they have experienced, and you can extrapolate how bad they would be with unbridled power and control. Those seemingly innocent acts that enrich you at the expense of another, are the basis of character that align you with every despot in history.
Ugly is not cool, not hip, and not to be desired – ugly is ugly – that is all. God can fix the ugly. He can surgically remove it. He can get it out of us and recreate beauty in its place. But only God can do it. And only once we admit we need Him to do it. People only consult a surgeon when they believe they have a problem. When you think your faults are just eccentricities, or that your malevolent nature is “not that bad”, or you simply think of yourself as “a good person” – you have no need of a Savior. No need leads you into darkness, as sure as those who are in darkness focus on the light to get away from it. There is no middle ground. There is no self destiny. There is only submission – either voluntary to God, or forced by the evil one.
I believe our decision process starts earlier than we are aware of: in the things that send us mental cues; in the environment we find ourselves subjected to. There are a variety of influences all working in concert to keep us distracted and too busy to go to God and submit our wills to Him. Once this has been done each day, the tempter must find other prey. For God answers our prayers and controls our will as we let Him. And in this work, He changes us at our very core. The evil one knows this, and it is why he works so hard to keep us from achieving it. Including trying to win us back on the heels of a relapse, but we must not allow him to win our attention. We must continue to give up to God, and allow him to win the fight we need won.
We have talked extensively about how to reduce the pain of evil in your life. This pain is caused by the actions you take, the behavior you have been addicted to, or the patterns you simply could not conquer on your own. It is all self-inflicted pain. But there is a second kind of pain that invades your life. It is every bit as big and ugly as the pain you have struggled with from inside, but this one you have even less ability to avert. It is in fact pain caused by the actions, patterns, and behaviors of others – the second kind of pain.
Take the pain of betrayal as an example, someone betrays the love or trust you place in that person, and does something that is completely in their own self- interest, at the pure expense of your interests. It hurts. You have been wronged. The other person is clearly at fault. You may have done nothing to invite, or aggravate, or cause this betrayal to occur. But no matter what the cause, the end result is the same; you are wounded by the deeds of another.
Examine betrayal a bit closer and you see more clearly its cause and effect. In general the specific action of betrayal does not cause nearly as much pain, as the knowledge that the trust or love between you has been intentionally broken. This is the lion’s share of the pain it causes. Forethought, foreknowledge, that trust would be broken, by intention, to accomplish a betrayal for other reasons. It is the heart that is wounded most of all in these acts. It is trust and love that are the targets of betrayal much more than anything else. The master of evil would try to teach you NOT to ever love or trust again. He would have you act prudently and restrain your feelings, trust, and love next time until they can be earned. This is the common sense approach to love, as influenced by evil, and as intended by it.
Most evil and pain is targeted primarily at the human heart. It is through the human heart that evil can do the most damage to the heart of God. As His heart is directly impacted by the travails brought upon your heart. When you cry from pain, God suffers. He longed to take away your pain from the self-inflicted things that you were a victim of, now He longs no less, to remove you from the harm the evil one is sure to bring to your doorstep. Evil targets your heart, in order to shut it down. The goal of evil is to prevent you from sharing, prevent you from loving, from trusting, from giving to another. The goal of evil is to turn your heart to stone.
Pain is an excellent tool to convert flesh to stone. Repeated pain makes the process even faster, and more thorough. Betrayal sucks. It hurts to have trust sent back to you in a careless manner. It hurts to have love rejected. It hurts to find out that your real feelings of love, were only echoed in the “words” of another, while their true feelings were given to someone completely different. No one can feel good about any of this. But before the sadness can begin to cloud the judgment, look deeper at the unfortunate situation.
First, you must ask yourself the realistic question as to your own role in what transpires. Healthy relationships, between people who give 100% of themselves 100% of the time, do not suffer nearly as often from betrayal. Often there is a pain-point involved that drives a wedge between people that sometimes one person may not even be aware of. Or more often, that the offender may simply wish to deny, even exists. Nagging, hurting words, unintended disrespect, lack of attention, lack of priority – all these conditions can drive a wedge between two hearts. There is no good excuse for betrayal, but often there are reasons this condition develops. To stop this before it begins requires open, honest communication. You must get through to your partner how you feel, and how deeply you feel it.
The old adage “it takes two to tango” applies equally well to problems in romantic relationships. But there are often much larger, much more obvious impediments, hiding in plain sight that could have been accounted for. How do you structure a long term loving relationship on a foundation of sand? Or more directly, how do you build something of value between two people based on a lie? Very often men and women present themselves with one face to a perspective partner, only to find the real person quite different once in a committed relationship. This dramatic about face is almost sure to ruin what happiness there was between them, as that was built on illusion, and now must be reconstructed in full.
Another lie that causes people to build castles on the sand is one where there are more than simply 2 people in the romantic picture. You can have strong desire for more than one person at a time, but this is not love, it is merely desire. You can have strong feelings of kinship, friendship, and happiness when being with more than one person at a time, but this is not love, it is friendship. Romantic love is to result in intimacy. Intimacy requires ONLY 2 people. It is impossible to achieve consensual intimacy between more than 2 people at a time, as true intimacy is hard enough to find even between 2. To get 3 or more people to agree on anything is nearly impossible, but to agree on how to have a romantic intimate relationship is fantasyland.
So to invest yourself in a relationship designed for two, but knowingly impacting more than two, is a recipe for pain. Both kinds of pain. You cannot expect the rules that would govern a righteous relationship to apply to one knowingly based on a lie. What you can almost certainly expect is to hurt the one you claim to love. To hurt the one you claim to have stopped loving. And most certainly to hurt yourself in the process, as you find the things you believed were entirely based on lies that could not be sustained. This is a guaranteed result from pursuing relationships where there are more than 2 people involved. Those that choose this path often choose it again, and again. This means if you pursue a cheater, expect to be cheated upon. If you find yourself as the cheater, your fate may well be sealed as a cheater, until you bring it to the foot of the Cross, and surrender it there permanently. Cheating is a condition designed to rob you of your heart.
Sometimes the culprit between two people is the lack of direction, or lack of knowledge one of hem carries. It is easier to build something when you know what you want. It is much harder to build something when you truly have no idea what you want, or perhaps worse yet, no idea what you should want. In cases like these, council from the Lord should be at the top of the agenda. If the memory of a past love is clouding present judgment you should not be moving forward with someone else. Rebound relationships are not known to be lasting. You should obtain clarity based in the submission of your will, BEFORE you pursue your romantic relationships. His will is always better for you that your will. And being led is always better than taking the lead.
The real question becomes, if you can learn to surrender your will enough, and remove enough of the self-inflicted pain from your life, will it reduce the second kind of pain as well? I have to believe it will. It seems to me that by offending others less, and by avoiding situations where the outcomes are already known to be painful, you would lead a much happier life. By valuing service over self, you invest yourself far less in what you expect to get out of relationships, and realize that your investment itself is the reward of the relationship. People count. Relationships count. And when surrendered to Christ, you realize that self counts for nothing. It is through Christ alone, we can find immunity to betrayal. It is through Christ alone, that the love of our relationships can reach its full potential. It is through Christ alone that we can learn to share our hearts, share our love, share our trust and not shy away when we find it misplaced …
Posted by Kristian Nelson at 12:17 AM
“There is nothing new under the sun.” One of the wisest men in the world uttered these words almost three thousand years ago; and while Space Shuttles, the Internet, and mobile phones might tend to offer evidence to the contrary in the physical world, where it comes to the characters of men, he remains correct. The same strengths, the same weaknesses; we are consistent creatures if nothing else. Perhaps better stated, he might have said … “people don’t change, they just get older.”
But if this is true then transformation of character is impossible, or unlikely at best. 12 step programs seem to support this idea – once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic (however in recovery). Most every addiction is considered a life-long condition or problem. Addicts may not use drugs or chemicals for decades of time but even then they are still considered “in recovery”. When an addict slips, they call it “relapse”, and this is even considered a part of the cycle these poor unfortunates go through.
That got me to thinking, what kind of self-destructive actions do we see ourselves commit over and over. When we repeat behavior we know to be self-destructive, is this not the definition of “addiction”. Sometimes we do things we know will hurt others, and ultimately ourselves, but we do it anyway. No I am not talking about drugs or chemical abuse. I am talking about bragging, arrogance, pride. I am talking about judging others, condemning others, and ridiculing others. I am talking about trying to “help” someone else get to heaven by making them drop everything they believe, and accepting everything that we believe, as if we had a complete lock on truth.
There are many ways to screw up your life and the lives of others. Not everything is drugs, murder, and theft. A lot of subtle words, behaviors, and attitudes are enough to mess things up royally, and what is more, we know it. We know it, when we do it, before we do it, and after we do it. Yet we do it anyway – could this be defective character addictive disorder? If you know you should not do something and you do it anyway, how do you rationalize it? Stupidity? Addiction? What?
The really interesting parallel between addictive disorders, and sins (the embracing of evil) we seem not to be able to stop doing, is the number of years we persist in doing them. This is NOT a one-time “oops”. This is behavior others begin to come to know you by when they know your weaknesses. If you gossip, trust me, people know it. You may think it is all innocent, all fairly quiet, etc.. But in truth there are those who know full well it is YOU that gossips. They consider it one of your faults. There are those that avoid you because they know this about you.
The same is true about liars. A liar thinks his deceptions hold forever, but they do not. Over time facts emerge, and their lies are revealed, sometimes faster than they imagine. Once this comes to light, most trust is gone. Why? Because most people think those that lie will do it again and again. This phenomenon holds for those who consider themselves the “cream of the crop”; those that consider themselves smarter, better looking, better educated, better informed. It takes much less time for others to see these traits in you and peg this weakness.
Then re-consider the idea – people do not change, they just get older. Why? Well, all these character deficiencies tend not to be life threatening so we do not treat them with the same urgency as a drug addiction. Just because I gossip, my life, wealth, and health are not threatened, so even though I know I should not, I do. The effects of gossip can be just as devastating to others as theft, or worse, but those guilty of gossip rationalize this fact. They do not seek treatment for the condition.
Liars are thought always to be liars, as history of dealing with people tends to prove this out. Suspicion remains high because no one believes this is a one-time phenomenon. And lies rarely place personal wealth, or health at immediate risk, so the liar does not seek any help to fix this condition. They believe they can simply work harder at it. They can quit any time they feel like it, even if they seldom ever feel like quitting.
How many defects could be described this way? Maybe all of them. And if living the Christian life is supposed to be better, what is the deal with Christians doing every single shortcoming non-believers do? Should there not be a difference between believers and not? How come they look so much alike? Could this be why non-believers refuse to accept the gospel of Jesus, because they see no difference between the saved and unsaved? And if the only difference between a believer and a non-believer after doing self-destructive behavior, is the guilt of the believer, logic would dictate – “why bother”.
The wounds are self-inflicted. And the cure is avoided at all costs. Transformation of character is actually possible. There are alcoholics who have not touched a drop in years, perhaps none before they ever die. There are those who used to be hooked on drugs to the point of death, and miraculously did not die, but changed instead. What is the commonality between those who are off of chemical addiction – they recognized their condition, it’s severity, and the need for OUTSIDE intervention to get over it. 12 step programs recognize the need and existence of a Higher Power.
Believers call that Higher Power – Jesus Christ, the only son of God. Yet most believers are comfortable living with every defect, every failure, every weakness of character they were born with. Instead of experiencing the transforming power of Jesus, our Creator God, the only entity in the Universe capable of transforming dust into man, and our worthless character into something useful; we sit complacent and therefore unaffected. There is no visible difference between believers and non-believers in general because neither one sees the urgency in fixing the defects in character that lead to self-destructive behavior.
While we know better, we elect to excuse our conditions rather than pursue changing them. This comes from life-long efforts to change ourselves by ourselves. Over time we give up, realizing we stink at changing ourselves. We come to accept that people do not really change they just get older. Instead of experiencing the transforming power of our Creator God, we assume His role for ourselves, and try to do the work on us. We refuse to surrender, and instead take the reins in our own hands. We want to be in control. We want to fix it. Just give us a minute and watch. Of course if you do watch someone trying to treat their own character defects what you see, is just like what you see when you watch a heroin addict try to fix himself – relapse.
The only real cure comes from outside of ourselves. It comes from the surrender of our will to our Higher Power. It comes when the God we serve is allowed by us, to fix us. When we see our condition, and surrender, NOT work harder at it. Surrender is the gateway to victory, much like admission of an alcoholic is the first step towards recovery. Giving up, and giving in, may seem counter-intuitive to real transformation, but this is where the real POWER of our God is revealed, and where the miracle really occurs.
The difference Jesus brings to your character is not some temporary abstinence that goes away on a whim. The changes are real. The transformation is noticeable. Those who know you will know you have changed. They will see it. They will be curious how it could have ever happened. And the beauty of the truth will be that you will not know how you changed, only that you did when you finally surrendered to Christ. This is what the world is waiting for. This will be the marker of a change in our time. When there is a noticeable difference in believers and non-believers, those who do not believe will seek out those who do, to find out how this happened.
The entire process can begin with you. You can change. You can be someone who suffers less, someone who is free from the pain that evil brings to your life. You can stop the behavior and actions that lead to your self-destruction, by simply putting the work of change into the only hands capable of carrying it out. Instead of beating your head against a wall that will not give way, give it over to the One who knows no walls. Transformation is the gift of Christ. It is just like the gift of Salvation, we transform into new creatures, by the regenerating power of our Creator God, there is no other way …
Posted by Kristian Nelson at 12:16 AM
Is there a difference between Hope and Delusion? Aren’t they more or less the same - Ignoring the facts about a situation in order to feel better about it? The non-believer will challenge hope based in spirituality as self-delusion based in superstition. How does one combat that logic, should they even try.
The basic problem in this instance traces back to marketing. You see many of us begin to believe whatever marketing plans we pay attention to, and over time assume them to be fact based. The longer one holds a belief about something, the more firmly their belief becomes defacto truth. It’s like that text in the Bible says, you know the one, “God helps those who help themselves”. However, to find this text, one would have to write it in the margins as it is not found in the entire Bible, in any translation; Nor is the text “Cleanliness is next to Godliness”.
Both of these wonderfully trite sayings convey a hidden message implied in the wording – you must do something to gain help or blessing from God. This concept is the foundation of every false religion on planet earth as it relies on the strength of men to find their own salvation, a fate none have ever accomplished. But marketing being what it is, the sayings go on, and many people still hold them to be true. For churches who hold to a works-based, i.e. man does things to save himself, salvation – these sayings are perfectly acceptable even after they are revealed to have no basis in scripture.
I wish our attention to marketing was limited to errors within doctrines we hold to, however, it is not. Take for instance all those sins we continue to commit. Herein lays the mystery of iniquity. If we know that diversion from God is diversion from all that is good. Then sin consists of all that is evil. Knowing that evil is designed around destroying everything it touches, why would we continue to choose to embrace it?
We know better. We absolutely know better intellectually. It just makes sense to avoid evil wherever we can. Even a non-believer sees the logic in this. So why does logic cave in to what otherwise must be described as stupidity, or insanity? Perhaps it is the marketing of evil that has so conditioned us to accept it, that we are clinging to lies, rather than letting go. To believe there is some sort of hope at the bottom of a bottle of alcohol is self-delusion. To believe there is truly some sort of escape during the high of cocaine, rather than simply inevitable delay of whatever root cause of the problem is, is again self-delusion.
Why is it so commonly accepted that sex with someone different (strange) is better? Why is the destruction of intimacy embraced by so many men trying to cover up their own insecurities, and so many women attempting to keep up with or get back at men. Just from a purely logical standpoint it does not make sense. Being intimate with someone you know, someone you trust, and someone you can share your innermost desires with should make the sex ten times better than with some stranger who let’s face it is only out for themselves. They could give a crap about you, your feelings, your desires, your dreams, or anything about you as a person. You are only viable as a tool to achieve an orgasm. After that your usefulness is completely obliterated. And NO, no-one respects you in the morning – you are either the whore or the whore-hopper – neither seems too great a tag line.
But our entire society seems bent on perpetuating this lie. American media clings to it. American advertising clings to it. And worse, our marriages are hardly unions where the two participants share their inner most thoughts, desires, fantasies, etc. with each other. Even in marriage intimacy is lacking, and may account for why people only share these deep seated things with folks they do not expect to see again. After all, if sleeping around does not make a man a man, then what does exactly? If varied sexual experience is not something a man wants in his woman, then maybe I’m just used goods?
We must cling to our lies, or learn we have debased ourselves. We must hold on to the myths that define our sexual behaviors rather than examine root causes, and real facts. And truthfully, a careful examination of our sexual behavior reveals the real target of evil was much deeper – our ability to be intimate. Intimacy was always what evil was out to destroy. If evil could succeed in destroying our ability to be intimate with someone else, it would have succeeded in destroying our ability to trust, to communicate, and even to value the humanity in others. People become mere objects if intimacy dies, not far behind it, the family unit dies.
This phenomenon is true no matter what race, age, or even sexual orientation you are. Destroy the ability to be intimate, and you have degraded the very fabric of society. Monogamy has been ridiculed as some sort of stringent law dictated by a mean-spirited God in the past. Non-believers, and Christians who have bought in to the idea that strange is better, share a fundamental belief that monogamy is simply impossible. It is not. Where virginity used to be prized, now it too is ridiculed again.
There is a reason why only virgins were selected for human sacrifice in the past, because evil being evil, it wanted to kill purity wherever it could. It then follows, there is a reason why eventually it was just children who were brought for victims of sacrifice (read between the lines). In the culture of Satan, whatever is horrific is best, so to kill is a great thing to them, but to kill innocence is even better. This is where any form of diversion from God eventually leads to. The killing of innocence. It did not start or end on the cross, it was clearly exemplified on the cross. Satan and his servants have been killing the purest of God’s children for as many years as we have been alive. From Able just outside the garden of Eden, to the poor child who dies today of avoidable starvation just down the street from you, evil is bent on the destruction of anything associated with good.
And since most of us would cringe at the idea of killing our young, evil must disguise itself, and learn to peddle softer ideas that are not so immediately obvious to us. Ideas like there is no need of intimacy, only of biology. Orgasm is king. Relationships are just too much work for not enough return on investment. Why bother with forgiveness, and growing closer together as a couple when you should focus only on your needs, on your wants, on your desires. If your partner does not understand, find another partner. This is yet another lie we cling to that causes divorce rates to spiral in this country, even inside believing homes.
Even with all these facts in evidence we cling to the lies we have been told to believe. This in short, is the difference between hope and self-delusion. I can hope to learn better how to forgive. I can hope to learn better how to love. I can hope my situation will improve even when it is grim because of the love my Creator God still has for me as a person. But I will not delude myself into clinging to lies that I know lead to destruction. I will reject the idea that more is always better. I will reject the concept it is impossible to be happy with only one. I will learn to serve rather than wait to be served. And in so doing I will learn how the society of Heaven operates, and be released from bondage to self-inflicted pain …
Posted by Kristian Nelson at 12:15 AM
No peace is possible without compromise. We tend to reject the idea of compromising our values, or the truths to which we cling, therefore peace with evil seems unlikely. But are there times when two people disagree over what truth is, when a compromise might be the best solution? Fundamentalists think not. Extremists think not. Where should the servants of God fall in this area?
The problem with truth is our own tendency to try to define it in absolute terms. Our desire is to remove any gray area and force truth to be presented in clear black-and-white terms. We expect truth to be simple, childlike, and easy enough to be understood. Yet how quickly we dismiss simple truth, as too simplistic; take for example the phrase “God is Love”. We refuse to accept this simple truth as all-encompassing, but treat it merely as a partial definition of what God truly “is”. Yet we are completely unable to define “Love” or “God” in absolute terms. We have a great deal of knowledge about both, but with all our combined wisdom, we remain fools. Christians argue about the definition of truth with the world, and worse, with each other. We try to enforce our understanding of truth on each other, and claim this as our obligation. Yet when Christ gave his final command to His followers before leaving for heaven, He simply directed we “love each other”. The world would recognize us as His followers if we adhere to this simple directive. He did not say to us “expound truth”. Rather the Holy Spirit would “reveal” truth to us as our humility increased and we became ready to receive it. Only the proud believe they “know” absolute truth.
The Pharisees in the time of Christ were such devout, serious, religious leaders. They were proud of their traditions, created to insure they would be unable to break God’s law again and suffer another exile to a foreign land. They setup lists of do’s and don’ts trying to guard against infringement of the law. But to no avail. In talking about the simple truth “thou shalt not commit adultery” – the wisdom of the day interpreted this as do not have sexual expression with a married person (whether you are married or not). This is in fact a very strict definition or interpretation of this precept. It is so strict in fact, that it ignores many other related issues attacking the minds of the people both then and now. Christ elaborated on this truth when He said, “I tell you that if you look at another woman and lust after her, you have already committed adultery in your mind”. This additional insight into the truth addressed the motives we carry in our hearts and minds. As it happens our motives, imaginations and thoughts are as much to be addressed by this precept as our actual actions. Was the first interpretation wrong? No. It was simply incomplete. The Pharisees were proud of their religious fervor, and did not take it well to be corrected by this author of the Law.
Christians read these passages in the New Testament and denigrate the Pharisees as too proud, arrogant, and full of themselves. The same Christians then turn right around and commit the same acts, in the same way, and choose to be totally ignorant of their own faults – despite having just read the example of the Pharisees of old. We make fun of them; then imitate them word-for-word. How is it different for us to claim to have absolute knowledge of truth, than it was for the learned Pharisees of the day of Christ? In fact, the Pharisees did have “an” understanding of truth. But they did not complete the knowledge. Are we any different? We judge so often and forgive so little. We strive for justice and equality more than accepting a lesser portion, or an unfair result, in order to love our offender. We very seldom turn the other cheek, and instead punch with the other fist. The world may be at war with us. But why do we choose to go to war with it? The unenlightened are not our enemies, they are our family. Those that do not accept the beauty of the truth of Christ are not swine. They are you and I at a different stage of our lives. Were it not for the mercy of God, that person you despise for not accepting truth might well be you.
Christians would have less cause to compromise with each other, if they had more humility and willingness to learn in their understanding of truth. Perhaps heaven is big enough to accept an entirely different kind of Christian than you are today. Perhaps the changes you are so keenly aware of that “need” to take place in another person’s life, will wind up taking place in yours. After all, if you truly allow the Holy Spirit to lead you into ALL truth, then He will. It may not be others who change as a result, it may be you. This growth is so often blocked by our own mix of pride, tradition, and understanding of truth. Maybe it is we who need to “unlearn what we have learned”. How much deeper could be our understanding of even basic truths if we did not so casually dismiss the need to study further since we already know about them? We think we have all the knowledge we need about a particular topic and dismiss the need to know more. This was the arrogance of the Pharisees and it is our arrogance as well.
The Martyrs of old set an example for us we tend to be so reluctant to imitate. They did NOT compromise their faith, or the truths they clung to. Not even in word (all they had to do to save themselves was lie about what they believed) or deed. But they did not disobey the laws either. They lived under the laws of the land. When those laws became in conflict with their faith, they chose to remain faithful to their faith. But this faithfulness to God was accompanied by NON-violent behavior. They made no wars to enforce their beliefs. They did not seek to have violence come to them, but when it did, they faced it with quiet dignity. Sometimes martyrs sang hymns of praise to God while being tortured by their enemies. They made no compromise with evil, but made no violence against the unrepentant. They loved their enemies enough not to try to kill their way out of danger. Instead they prayed for their captors.
Those Christians who advocate violence do dishonor to their Lord. They resemble more the ranks of the fundamentalists around the world who have embrace violence as the solution to their issues. Violence has a long history of resolving nothing. Rather it inspires generations and generations to come to follow its addictive precepts. Revenge is never fully satisfied. Peace is never achieved. Learning to allow the differences of others to exist in your world is the beginning of productive compromise. This tolerance is the beginning of understanding between two people otherwise at odds. Understanding then enhances truth. It is a beginning…
Posted by Kristian Nelson at 12:14 AM
There are times when almost all the choices you face seem to be of one nature of evil or another. The concept of “little white lies” stems from the idea it is better to tell someone what they want to hear than to tell them what we really think. After all, what woman really wants to hear that she DOES look fat in that dress? Or how do you tell your mom that her apple pie is not quite as good as the ones sold in the local grocer. And lastly, what man wants to hear that he is not the greatest lover in the world? It seems better to lie and spare the feelings of another than to tell the truth and hurt them. After all these lies do not hurt anyone do they?
This line of reasoning has led some to believe that it is impossible if not impractical to always tell the truth. They posit that truth must always contain room for variance given the situation or else many would be wounded by it. Here is the problem with this line of thinking, the nature of evil is most insidious, and is actually hurting both the person who lies, and the person who is lied to. The person telling the lie is learning a lesson in so doing that expediency is better than integrity. This seemingly innocent act of trying to spare the feelings of another can easily translate into more elaborate excuses to avoid any kind of confrontation, avoid making personal mistakes, and finally to directly attempt to mislead others as to the actions and motives we take. The path from seemingly innocent lies to ‘necessary’ lies to outright deception is a short one. The person learns quickly to become a liar rather than face truth in any situation. The judgment of ‘when’ a lie is called for, becomes clouded with what is in our self-interest (the real root of all evil). And so, one lie leads to another, the complex web we weave engulfs us, and we wind up breaking the trust of those we care about or need the most in our lives.
Then too, the person whose feelings we were trying to spare is actually hurt by our lies. If the woman truly does look fat in that dress, others are going to notice it as well. Do we really do her a favor by lying, and allow her to be ridiculed by other women who will FAR less caring than ourselves. If she is mocked by others, won’t she come to find she cannot wear this dress anyway? And your assurances she looks fine will not help her undo the hurt inflicted by others. In this situation it would have been better to express the truth in love. ALWAYS to express truth in LOVE; without this method of delivery, truth becomes a baseball bat we hit each other with. But done in love, we could simply reach out to her, and let her know, this dress does not make her look the best we know she can. The dress is not worthy of the beauty she carries, and perhaps another color, material, cut, size, or style would be better suited to her than this ‘off-the-rack’ piece she has selected for trial. Obviously not every dress or piece of clothing helps us look our best, which is why we try them on to see. And sometimes we gain or lose weight leaving the excellent fit of a garment behind us. It is OK to point this out in love.
The truth can also be used as a weapon and often this is why the idea of little-white-lies seems preferable. Instead of confronting the truth in love, people use truth to state the obvious without ANY concern for how it will be interpreted. Instead of helping the girlfriend see that the dress is the problem, we turn the tables and make the girlfriend the problem – pointing out that she is just too fat for this dress. After all, her obesity endangers her health. It is not very sexually attractive. Fat people are discriminated against by almost everyone in every situation. They are ridiculed for lack of self-control when it comes to eating. They tend not to get the job. They tend not to get the promotion. Their size is something they face constant negativity about, and now we, the very ones they love and whose opinion matters most to them – have joined the condemnatory crowd. Stating the obvious benefits of ‘dropping fifty pounds’ sounds to us like we are doing them a favor. After all that is the truth. But the ‘truth’ we are expressing lacks all compassion, does not offer a viable solution for the dress they are trying on now, and they will have to wear something now – do we expect them to look horrible until the fifty pounds are gone? This approach of clubbing them over the head with a baseball bat of truth smacks of evil. It is not the truth that is evil. It is the delivery mechanism that is evil. In short it is our selfish motives, and lack of concern for the feelings of another that is purely evil.
Constructive criticism is possible when there is a foundation of love between the recipient and the delivery person. We can help our mom with the substandard pie by several means – first by remembering this is only our opinion, perhaps others would find a different result; next by offering to expand the recipe by adding cinnamon or raisons, or removing the walnuts, adding a graham cracker crust, putting some raspberry puree into the mix, you get the idea; and finally by showing gratitude that mom cares enough to try to make something for our enjoyment, even if the taste does not suit our palette. She is far less likely to be offended by the truth when delivered in love. And longer term, our relationship is strengthened because she knows when we do tell her we enjoyed something – we really mean it. The joy we share over something becomes even more real when we do not have the slightest doubt that this is simply a little white lie.
As for the man who is not the greatest lover in the world, most men are keenly anxious to become one. They are most of the time very willing to accept direction in this endeavor. You do not need to tell them exactly what to do or where to do it, but if you simply react strongly enough in a positive manner to the things you like, trust me, the man will push that button more often than a video game. There are ways to improve the performance of your sexual expression (remember this is our most intimate and vulnerable area of a relationship) that only a committed partner is going to be able to do. It takes great trust and knowledge of the love of another, to be able to communicate effectively regarding this topic. But once again, knowing there is a mutually GREAT sex life, is of more value than gold to most men and women in the world.
There are other situations when the lesser of two evils seems the only ‘good’ choice. For example, better to hide Jews during the holocaust than to tell the truth and allow the Nazi’s to find them, and kill them. A lie told, better than to be an accomplice in a murder. Here again, these situations are posed without a thought about the prelude, or what other options are available. Most of the lesser-of-two evil decisions are posed as only option A or option B, there are no other choices, but this is mistaken. Take our Nazi example, being faced with this decision implies several things. We did little or nothing to stop the situation from progressing to the point it has. Were there protests against the Nazi’s back before they came to power? When they announced their policies, did we silently accept them, or did we begin to actively oppose them? If we wanted to avoid being faced with this choice perhaps we should have left behind our worldly possessions, and moved away from Germany when the Nazi’s first came to power. Or perhaps we feel compelled to join the enemies of the German government and make war against them. Or perhaps as Christians, we feel compelled to help our Jewish brothers as much as possible, and be willing to face their fate as our own as a result. The need for our own self-preservation is what dominates our decisions in this entire process. We as Christians, should not feel this need so keenly, as we know our existence is not confined simply to this world of evil. We should be empowered to act boldly for good. But most lack faith, and prefer to go along with an evil government edict than stand against it and suffer for truth.
Very often in lesser-of-two-evil situations there may be yet another option that would extricate you from the situation you face. One REALLY big one that exists in every situation, is prayer to our Creator God. While we may lack the wisdom, strength, or ability to solve a problem – God is not so confined. Calling on Him to get us out of the problems we so often wander into, is a smart way to resolve the situation. Many a miracle has been performed that defied logic, and sometimes even physics, to extricate a believer from an impossible situation. Remember the three Hebrew captives taken to Babylon, and asked to bow to the idol of the King Nebuchadnezzar or be thrown into the fiery furnace. They stood for God, did not bow, and were willing to die to make the point. They were in fact, thrown into this furnace. They did NOT avoid their fate from their decision. But God intervened and they walked in the flames unhurt. Do we have the faith of the martyrs of old, who were willing to die for their beliefs and their choice to serve God and reject evil? This kind of faith takes time to build. It too takes a relationship to build. But there is always another option to every problem we face.
It is possible to embrace a life of truth, if first we embrace a life of love. If love governs our every thought, motive, and action – then truth becomes our ally and our lives are enriched as a result. Do not fear your confrontations with the world, but approach them all in a humble spirit of love and concern. Truth delivered in this way, will have the greatest effect possible, and become the most enriching experience we can have …
Posted by Kristian Nelson at 12:13 AM
Sounds bad, doesn’t it? - The idea that humanity in its present state is nothing more than a collection of addicts, how depressing. But those who have been acquainted with God for a while, and begin to see the wisdom of choosing right for their lives, are invariably puzzled by some of their own behavior. In short, we know that choosing good is what we should do in a given circumstance, but this knowledge does not prevent us from making the wrong choice. What’s wrong with us? And why do we keep on doing it?
To understand this phenomenon, one needs to closely examine the behavior of an addict. Nobody starts out in life addicted to anything in particular. When you are born, you have a relatively clean slate (crack babies notwithstanding). Over time, and as you grow, you begin to establish patterns of behavior, both in the choices you make, and in the actions you take. These patterns somewhat define who you are, because every time you do them again, an electrical impulse travels through your brain along a predefined route. Each time the process repeats, another electrical impulse travels the ‘same road’ if you will, and reinforces the ease of traveling this pathway. Over time the pathway builds, and the inclination to repeat the behavior becomes greater. All of this occurs without the use of foreign chemicals or substances. It is the natural function of our brains, as we understand them today. These pathways never really go away, but it is possible to build alternate routes in the brain, and make alternate behavior even more popular than the habits you formerly followed.
Given that normal brain function is affected by repeated patterns of behavior, when you introduce an external chemical into the pattern, it can act like an accelerant, altering the very chemistry of the brain to require repeating the act. Chemical addiction is far less likely to be simply undone by alternate choices. It becomes much harder to go ‘cold turkey’ off foreign chemicals, than as an example, to simply choose to eat your vegetables first in a given meal (i.e. changing a normal behavior to something new or different). And not all brain altering chemicals are external, some of them your body produces naturally, like endorphins. When you exercise vigorously your body produces internal chemical endorphins that make you feel like to could ‘run for miles’. They make you feel good. And they are natural. It is said, when a woman eats chocolate for example, the same chemical response occurs in her brain, as when she engages in sex. These internal ‘feel-good’ chemical reactions can also prove to be quite addictive, accounting for behavior we don’t always understand – gambling addictions, romance addictions, sex addictions, exercise addictions, etc..
This means that when we choose poorly, we begin to ‘teach’ our brains to repeat the choice. The more we engage in a behavior, the more we feel like it is natural to do so. Heredity also plays a role in this, as the habits our parents develop will both influence how we think, and likely pre-incline our chemical responses. How do we break this cycle? Let’s continue our analogy of a drug-addict as an example. Drugs are highly addictive as they alter brain chemistry. For the common drug addict to quit – they need to recognize they are addicted (step 1), and begin to seek outside help (step 2). Someone who is an addict, but refuses to see it, will not soon change his behavior. After all they are not even trying to change. But realizing the need is not enough to break the cycle either. We must seek help, outside of ourselves. The odds are stacked against the common drug addict for him to solve his problem on his own without help. Depending on the length of the addiction, the severity of the chemical alteration, the genetic predispositions he faces, and the ease in which his environment facilitates his access to the drug – he faces a nearly impossible challenge to quit. Every addict knows the behavior they engage in, is destructive to themselves and others. They realize this, but are quite literally powerless to change it.
Often we blame an addict for the conditions they find themselves in. After all, if the drug addict never took that first hit of cocaine, or smoked that first joint, they would not be so messed up now. And yes, the drug addict is solely responsible for that initial wrong choice. But once having made a wrong choice, the propensity to repeat it grows greater at an exponential rate. Within a very short period of time, the addict is out-of-control, and powerless to resist what they have begun. Not every Christian can identify with a drug addict’s rational or behavior. They think themselves too pious to be caught in this trap of addiction. Yet every Christian knows in their hearts, a certain sin (or choice of evil) that they repeat, despite their guilt over doing it. Yes we are forgiven for the poor choices and misdeeds we commit. But we want much more than simple forgiveness, what we crave is reform. We wish not to engage in wrong choices ever again. But this desire is not enough to prevent us from screwing up again. The reason, we are all a bunch of junkies, addicted to our sinful behavior. If you find yourself looking-down on a street walker who is plainly addicted to drugs, realize when you get home, the mirror can show you that sight once again. It may not be drugs you are addicted to, but a pattern of wrong choices is every bit as hard to break with.
Confrontation is rarely effective in long term recovery. Smacking someone in the head with what they are doing wrong rarely helps them see the value of the alternative. Instead, focus on the power of positive reinforcement. Whether trying to show someone else the error-of-their-ways, or simply trying to get past something you don’t like in your own character – stay focused on the cure. What is our cure, who can save us from the fate of every addict? Why our Creator God of course. Jesus not only is our master physician, who healed every variety of sickness while here on our world. He created us. He knows our owners-manual very well, as He wrote it himself. The advice He gives us in the Bible of how to stay healthy is from the perspective of the one who made us. He does not want us to suffer; this is why He saved us. And Salvation after all, is not about waiting to escape pain, it is about escaping it right here, and right now; even the pain of addiction.
When confronted by a desire to choose the wrong path again, try to focus your mind on Christ, and ask Him to take control of your circumstance, your desires, your actions, and lead you away from your pain. This is why it is so important to be able to trust our God, or else how could we learn to give up our control to Him. We need to allow Him to change the very desires of our hearts, if we are to affect real positive change in our lives. Our desires are suspect, after all. We have been trained to want what is harmful for us. We have abused our brains and built large pathways of destructive behavior patterns. Only God can take these away from us. Now that we recognize our condition, we must learn to release our will to Him. This is how to affect healing. And like the addictive behavior we have talked about so far, it is not a one-day effort. It is a continual struggle. Do not be fooled into thinking you only have to beat the bad decision once to gain the victory. No, you have to trust God to save you, every time you face it. You have to yield your will to Him perpetually, as the minute you seek to take back your control from God, you find yourself falling once again.
The good news about our God is that His forgiveness He offers us, is unconditional, and unlimited. But the better news about our God is that we do not have to resign ourselves to a life of pain from bad choices. He can remove these hurtful things from our lives. He is able. He is strong enough. You do not need to make yourself stronger, to fight the urges of evil – you need to recognize your own weakness, and allow God to win the battle for you. Take no glory in your own strength, but give glory to God, for what He will do on your behalf. Herein we learn that God interacts with each of us on a very personal, a very intimate level. He knows about us, what we hide from our families, and our friends. He knows what needs to be changed in order for us to escape pain, and it is different for each one of us. Through this process of reconciling with God, He will begin to reveal to us, where we need some help. Keep in mind Christians, it is HIS job to DO the work, it is only up to you to ALLOW Him to do it.
It therefore requires great trust in God, for us to allow Him the chance to change us, and to change those we love. But He alone is qualified to do it. This is the beauty of our God, that he loves us, even while we are junkies, and He treats us with acceptance, love, and hope. I love the hope our God gives us all, even to one such as me …
Posted by Kristian Nelson at 12:12 AM